Then, there came another storm. Like a tornado, it ripped our home and our lives to shreds. I was a freshman in high school. That day was like any other. I was up early and out the door for band practice. We had a big home football game that night, and as always, I couldn’t wait to go. I rushed to school without much of a goodbye to my parents and hopped in a car with one of my friends. Later that day, as I was sitting in class, the principal came to the doorway. He looked at me, pointed, and motioned for me to come with him. My heart was racing! I thought for sure I had gotten into trouble for something, but what? As I walked towards him, he said, “Grab your stuff, you won’t be coming back.” I started to get nauseous. There was no way I was getting suspended, I hadn’t done anything wrong, that I knew of. As we approached the office, it was then that I saw her. My mother’s friend was standing there, eyes watering, with a frantic look on her face. “We have to go. There’s been an accident.” I began asking all kinds of questions. Who was hurt, what had happened, are they OK?, but she remained silent. Only saying that it was my dad. As we drove down the highway towards home, my mind was a wreck. I couldn’t understand why we weren’t going to the hospital. If he had been in an accident, we should go there. But she still told me nothing. We pulled into the driveway and I ran inside. There was my mother, surrounded by our pastor and some of her friends. She looked at me, face drawn, eyes red with tears, “Your dad died today,” was all she said.
My heart is cracking.” Those words are forever etched on my heart
I dropped to the floor and screamed. My whole body shook as tears burned down my face. How? When? Why? In that moment, the whole room turned black. There was nothingness. Just pain. I have never known a feeling that strong. As for my siblings I sadly have no idea what they did, where they went, or even how they felt. I just know that it was awful. I know that it hurt them just as much as it did me. But, for the life of me, I have no idea what happened in the next few hours. All I knew was that my dad’s heart had stopped. He was gone and never coming back. It wasn’t until later that night when the people who gathered had left, that the shock began to wear off. A family of 6, now a family of 5. None of us could sleep, so we all laid together in my parent’s bed. As the sniffling began to soften and the sobs had quieted, my youngest brother, age four, spoke up, “My heart is cracking.” Those words are forever etched on my heart. I visualize that moment now and even though it was the most awful moment, I am so thankful for my siblings, and most of all, for my mother.
Impact number 2. She leaned on Him for her strength to not only get herself through this storm, but to carry us through as well
My mom held all of us that night. She put aside her own grief to hold us, comfort us and cry with us. She was strong. She was courageous. She never let us down. I don’t know how. I sit here, crying as I write this, and wonder how in the world she had the strength to be there for us when her own heart was crushed. Then, I remember, it was Jesus. Impact number 2. She leaned on Him for her strength to not only get herself through this storm, but to carry us through as well.
Not once, did she turn from Jesus. She would abide in him. She allowed Him to carry her through
Through all the trials that would follow, the rebelliousness, the anger, and the pain, she held strong. If she was weak, we never saw it. I know she cried herself to sleep many nights, and I know I put her through hell with some of my decisions. Not once, did she turn from Jesus. She would abide in him. She allowed Him to carry her through. Being a single parent is rough. There is not one easy thing about being a single mom. I can remember my mother preaching at me, scolding me, and telling me what the Bible says about who I am supposed to be and how I was supposed to act. Some of that stuck, but most of it, I tossed aside.
I chased after numbness. I wanted to feel nothing. The crazy thing about being numb is that the damage you cause while you’re numb, only adds to all the pain you were trying to run from in the first place. I filled my life with everything my mom already knew wouldn’t heal my wounds. She never gave up on me, though. I’m not sure I want to know just how many times she begged Jesus for my life on my behalf.
She didn’t always do everything right or perfect, no one can, but she chose Jesus, over and over again. She made Him her rock. She refused to let Satan deter her, distract her, or derail her faith. Her job as a mom was most important to her and her sheer determination to keep going and to keep praying made all the difference.
Through the years, after my dad died, what impacted me most were her actions. What I remember and I learned from, were her actions when things got tough. She didn’t always do everything right or perfect, no one can, but she chose Jesus, over and over again. She made Him her rock. She refused to let Satan deter her, distract her, or derail her faith. Her job as a mom was most important to her and her sheer determination to keep going and to keep praying made all the difference. I know for a fact, without her courage and her ferocious love for Jesus, I would not be who I am today. All the preaching in the world could not have made the impact that her actions and her choices, every single day to follow Christ, had on me.
Thankfully, we had several years of triumphs. There were still many struggles within our family. But for the most part, there were some really good years. My mom proved herself to be as stubborn and determined as ever. She went back to college and got her bachelor’s degree. She got a good job and moved to another nice, small town. Everything seemed to be going smoothly with the boys still home and my sister and I in college. We were finally back to yet, another new normal.
Hello, my name is Danielle Wayman. I am married to my college sweetheart and have three beautiful children. I currently stay home with my youngest child who is definitely ‘all boy’. I recently began blogging in order to encourage other moms with active boys like mine but soon realized that God was calling me to encourage and inspire moms of all ages and talk about issues we all struggle with. So here I am, writing and hoping to reach the one Mom who may be having a rough time. Praying for God to use my words to bring a little sunshine to her day.
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